Chaos as Usual

Ever since I went back to work and Colin started school (aka daycare) I have been sleep deprived, my house is more of a disaster than ever, I'm lucky if I can work out three times a week (as compared to working out 1-2 hours a day pre-Colin), and I am utterly neglecting my dog who used to get a daily 3-mile walk plus at least one hike each weekend.

Now, I'm doing so much less and still feel like I can never catch up.  No matter how frantic my life seems there's always a giant pile of stuff I'm neglecting (vacuuming, dusting, laundry, picking up piles of shoes, my workouts, our poor dog, and any vestige of a social life).  At first I assumed this was just me adjusting to my new schedule, but I've gradually come to realize that this is just my "normal" life now.  What is crazy is getting this kid's stuff ready for school every day is really time consuming.  (And that's not including the time I spend playing with Colin, feeding him, and so forth.)  I'm probably spending about an hour and a half a night on the getting-ready-routine, and that doesn't include the time we spend trying (fruitlessly) to get the kiddo to sleep!

Someday I know Colin is going to be a big boy.  He'll shower unsupervised, pack his own lunch, lay out his own clothes, and help with household chores.  When that happens this will all be a fuzzy memory so I want to document my current insanity.  Right now, every night before I can go to sleep I have to do the following:
  • Baby bath including post-bath lotion/massage to help him - HA HA HA HA - fall asleep
    (and if I'm honest, I sometimes skip this... and Colin just gets a washcloth bath!)
  • Wash bottles, sippy cup, and dishes including all pieces parts
  • Wash all dishes
  • Prepare and pack breakfast/lunch/snacks for the next day
  • Prepare bottles for next day
  • Wash pump and all associated parts, and pack for next morning
  • Select and set out out clothes for next morning
When I look at it here, it doesn't seem like much.  But I seem to spend at least 45 minutes in the kitchen doing this every day.  And there's also the other "regular" nightly stuff I have to do (final cleanup of the kitchen, clean litter boxes, brushing my teeth, and finding my phone which I inevitably lose in the household clutter, etc.).  If I start the process at 11:00 I know I'm not going to be crawling into bed until after midnight.  Usually closer to 12:30.

Then you add in the inevitable baby-waking-up-at-3AM, and my alarm going off before 6AM so I can get ready for work... and you end up with one seriously tired momma!!!

The most frustrating part is that I know there are tens of thousands of people (some who are single parents!) who have kids, and work, and still have time to for other things.  Like having a marginally clean house and taking the dog for a walk every day.  

I'm not even talking about the crazy over-achievers (you know who you are!) who have an immaculate house, an organized garage that you can park a car in, have three kids (or five kids, or eight kids) and a rewarding career, run triathalons twice a month, compete in and win dog agility competitions, wash and/or brush their hair every day, volunteer at local charities, have regular dates with their husband, and see friends at least once a week.  I'd be thrilled with just having my life just a LITTLE under control.  A date night once every few months, visiting with friends once a month, and a house where the dust-bunnies aren't planning a coup because they outnumber the vertebrate residents of the home by 100 to 1 sounds positively dreamy - and utterly unattainable.

I keep thinking and re-thinking wondering what on earth I'm doing so wrong that my life feels like it is spiraling more and more out of control.  Trying to come up with a plan that will work.  Some sort of schedule that would allow me to get 5 hours of sleep a night (without being 2 hours late to work), have a kind-of clean house, and maybe get to feel like a regular person again time to time.  It sounds so nice, but I just can't figure a way to make it work.

And this is in no way any sort of indictment of my husband.  He's incredible.  He has been so amazingly helpful ever since I got pregnant.  He has taken on most of caring for the dog, and pitches in where he can with the baby.  And on the nights when I've been so exhausted that I passed out on the sofa he'd wake me up and instruct me to go straight to bed while he helped to pick up some of the disaster downstairs.  He's a great husband and a wonderful father.  But even with all his help I still feel like my life is in complete disarray.

Any suggestions from a "together" mom who has found a way to have a family and a life?????

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