He Said / She Said - The Sequel (Part 1 of 2)
A retrospective on the birth of our second son - a story in two parts.
(For the record, I intended to post this on Ryan's first birthday, as I did with Colin. But keeping up with two boys while working full time and trying to keep from totally neglecting my poor husband can be challenging at times! So this is publishing about 9 months late, but it is finally here. When I'll get Hari's input is anyone's guess!)
MOM'S VERSION
Memorial Day weekend had arrived, and I was in a bit of a tizzy. My due date was May 31st, and to ensure that I didn't go too far past that my doctor had set a date... she was going to induce me on my due date. (She scheduled this because she was going to be away the week after I was due, and didn't want to risk me going 2 weeks past my due date, as there were potential complications if that were to happen.)
Knowing that I would be induced on Tuesday morning somehow made things worse for me. I realize that having an end in sight should have been a good thing, and would have made most women happy, but I just kept worrying that something might go wrong in the final few days. Scaring myself about how induction might be different than going "natural" as I had with Colin. And, truth be told, there was just some plain old general fear about the childbirth process. Everything happened so fast with Colin it was really a blur - I had no idea what to expect the second time around.
Friday came, my official last day of work, and we got out a little early as it was the last day before the Memorial Day holiday which was nice. Colin and I enjoyed a little time together, then Hari came home and toward the end of the evening we took a family walk. I was feeling a little off, but nothing much really so I didn't give it too much thought. We walked to the back of the development and let Syd and Colin run out some of their energy on the tennis courts, and I walked a few laps around the courts as well since I hadn't been able to make it to the gym in a few days and was feeling rather antsy. When we got home it was straight to bed for Colin, then Hari kindly suggested that I take a bath. It sounded delightful (it was really hot out) so I went, ran a nice warm bubble bath, and soaked for a while. I was still feeling a little off, and I'd say these sensations of "mild discomfort" came and went maybe once or twice over the course of an hour, but that was about it. We tried to watch a TV show but (as usual) I fell asleep on the sofa and Hari finally woke me to go upstairs to bed.
Saturday morning arrived and Hari made me a great breakfast: one of his famous egg-wiches. I didn't even bother to ask for the reduced-calorie version - just took what he made and enjoyed it. When I was expecting Colin I never had any cravings, but did find myself eating a lot more pineapple than usual. With LN2 there were no cravings, but my food obsession was Hari's egg-wiches. Whole-grain toast, a fried egg (or two), some turkey sausage, jalapenos, cheese (cheddar, or sometimes a jalapeno havarti, or peppadew... or a combination of cheeses!) and a generous slathering of Frank's Red Hot or Red Rooster (aka Siracha hot sauce). YUM!
After breakfast we took the family for another short walk - same as the night before. We had just made it to the first playground by our house when we ran into some neighbors, so Colin got to play with a couple of friends as Hari chatted with their fathers about the French Open. The other kids headed inside, but Hari kept talking to the other dads. Eventually Colin grew bored with the adults just standing and talking, so he took off (at light-speed, of course) down the path toward the street. I sprinted to grab him and the guys were very impressed at my speed, and considering my condition, although truth be told I certainly didn't feel very fast. We eventually continued our walk making our way back to the tennis courts again, as the temperatures began to climb. It was going to be another scorcher - probably going up into the 90s. I wasn't feeling great, just a low-grade icky feeling, but I was becoming a bit cranky according to Hari. That comment, of course, only served to make me feel more irritated thereby making his statement correct, which then irked me further. (He has a way of doing that - makes me nuts!)
Anyway, we got back to the house and I wanted to get Colin his lunch, and was very impatient about it. Not that it was a big deal, but it was lunch time and I wanted the kid to stay on schedule for once so we could get him down for his nap at a "normal" time. Hari didn't see the urgency, but wisely managed the entire lunch process on his own, as I lay on the sofa trying to not be a cranky mess.
This isn't to say that I was actively in labor - this wasn't labor. No sharp pains or anything debilitating. I just wasn't feeling entirely right. (Yes, I know... maybe I should have realized something was up since I was so close to my due date, but hindsight blah-blah-blah.) I considered that it might be "the day" but wasn't sure, and this certainly wasn't anything like the intense labor I had with Colin so I was pretty confident that I wasn't really in labor and there was PLENTY of time before we needed to mobilize.
After his lunch Colin came over to be with me on the sofa, and I put on a movie (How To Train Your Dragon, I think). It was a new film for Colin so he was interested, and I got a few crackers that we shared. Meanwhile Hari insisted that I tell him each time when I felt what I was describing as minor discomfort, so he could start timing. I reiterated that I was sure this was not labor, but complied mostly just to get him to stop bothering me.
For the record, our doctor had warned me that with a second pregnancy delivery is typically faster than the first time around, and seeing how I went from 0-60 with Colin she wanted us to call her (and I quote) as soon as the contractions became regular. To me this meant serious contractions like I felt with Colin, on regular intervals. And that isn't what I was experiencing. At all. I was mildly uncomfortable (this couldn't be contractions) and the timing varied: 10 minutes, 7 minutes, 3 minutes, 5 minutes, 7 minutes. That's not exactly what I call regular, and I reiterate they definitely were not contractions, so I insisted that there was nothing going on. Really.
Thankfully my darling husband didn't listen to me. Instead he turned the car on to cool it down (it was indeed a 90+ degree day... freakishly warm, just like the day Colin was born), put my bag in the car, and loaded Sydney into the car. He came back in for Colin, as I stubbornly continued to lay on the sofa, refusing to be part of his insanity parade. I was NOT in labor, and wasn't going anywhere. Then, as Hari was loading Colin into his carseat...
MY WATER BROKE.
AAAAAAUUUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!
I went from utter denial to mild panic as I realized that this was a) really happening, b) happening RIGHT NOW. CRAP!
Hari walked back into the house, I'm sure preparing for a crabby debate with his wife, and instead was faced with me shouting that my water broke as I sprinted up the stairs to change clothes. (I wasn't going anywhere like that - no way!)
We were in the van, and now I was having real contractions, hard and fast, every minute or two. Poor Hari was amazing. While driving as fast as possible through traffic trying to get to the freeway he was on the phone with everyone:
- he called my doctor and told her it was "game on"
- he called the hospital, explaining that we were on our way and they needed to have a stretcher for me (wheelchair wasn't going to cut it). This wasn't an easy negotiation, but he eventually won. Thankfully I had pre-registered at the hospital long before my due date, so at least that was done this time.
- he called Camp Bow Wow to let them know we were on our way with Sydney
- and he called Mahesh (who had agreed to watch Colin when the time came) to explain that he would have to meet us because we couldn't drop Colin off at their house now
This turned out to be a bit of an issue, only because our friend didn't understand the urgency of the situation. We have other friends who volunteered to watch Colin (and who live closer to the hospital and could have just met us there) but in my state I became adamant that Colin had to be with the Chandwanis because he had spent time there before without us, and that was where I felt he needed to be. PERIOD. Crazy pregnant-lady non-negotiable. Hari explained to Mahesh that while their house was on the way, we literally could not afford even a minor deviation. Mahesh finally relented, probably convinced that we were being ridiculous but playing along to humor us, and I was incredibly relieved to heard him say he would meet us and ask when he should leave... "Dude, NOW. I'm driving as fast as I can - you have to meet us at the dog place!" This was followed by directions.
As this was all going on, poor Colin was in the back seat clearly worried. He kept asking "What's wrong, Mama? What's wrong?" and insisted on holding my hand. This wasn't easy, as I had to reach diagonally into the back seat, but at least it gave me something else to focus on as each wave crashed over me, so I complied. I tried futilely to reassure him that I was OK, but the kiddo was not buying my nonsense - he knew something was up.
We finally made it to the freeway, and while it was a Saturday so there wasn't any rush-hour traffic, there were a lot of cars on the road. At one point I looked over and saw the speedometer hit 90 as Hari was weaving in and out between cars, and I couldn't have cared less. I just wanted him to GET ME THERE. A brief eternity later we were pulling into Camp Bow Wow. Hari got out of the car dragging Sydney in his wake and I saw a black car pull up next to ours. Hoping that it was Mahesh I pushed the "door open" button (thank God for minivan automatic doors!) and he grabbed Colin and whisked him away without so much as a goodbye as Hari was on his way back to the van.
With Colin gone I gave up on my self control and was cursing like a sailor as contraction upon contraction hit. There was almost no break between them - it felt nearly constant. It took maybe 5 minutes (or wasy it 5 years?) to get to the hospital, and they were waiting for me at the ER door. There was a wheelchair outside, and I could see the stretcher just inside the doors, but another contraction had just hit and I was pleading for Hari and the security guard to give me just a moment so I could make it into the wheelchair. (Yes, at that moment getting out of the van seemed like a really big challenge.) I somehow made it to the chair, then onto the gurney and I was on my way.
A nurse and an EMT were my escorts, and I lay on my side with my arms wrapped around myself trying to mentally go somewhere else. Anywhere else. I tried to think about Pogue Pond in Vermont (a favorite quiet place) but rational thought and serenity were pretty much gone. My body was on auto-pilot and I had no control over the situation. It is a really strange feeling... but I seriously almost felt like I was just along for the ride.
They got me upstairs, but I wasn't seeing much as I had my eyes closed. It seemed like the right thing to do at the moment. Anyway, the first nurse who saw me was very calm about the whole thing, and started asking me about epidurals, and talking about paperwork. I practically shouted that I didn't have an epidural before and didn't care about it now. I couldn't believe this woman didn't see that anesthesia wasn't an option!
Thankfully the other nurse was the same one who delivered Colin - Nurse Cathy. I don't know what guardian angle was on call that day, but this was an incredible stroke of good luck. Nurse Cathy took one look at me and said "I know this one - she goes fast." and then she snapped into drill sergeant mode. She began barking orders, instructing the other nurse to forget the paperwork, get the warmer in our room immediately, and get the staff doctor in right away because my doctor was never going to arrive in time. Meanwhile she was coaching me to be calm, and slow my breathing down so I didn't hyperventilate. I tried, and suddenly (thankfully) Hari was there at my side again. I reached for his hand, and squeezed as yet another contraction hit. He squeezed back just as hard, and it was game on.
A doctor showed up, and Nurse Cathy gave me the green light to push. I think I said something trite like "It hurrrrrts!" (duh - you're in labor, dummy!), but it was just two big pushes and the next thing I knew... I had another beautiful baby boy. He was a little wrinkly, much heavier than Colin (8 lbs 3 oz!), but exactly the same length as his big brother. They put him in my arms, and I just held him. In utter wonder that this little miracle was truly here. I just felt so serene. I can't describe it any other way. I went from the chaos and tumult of my high-speed delivery to an overwhelming feeling of peace and happiness.
Then reality came back. The doctor who had supervised the delivered (I didn't even know his name) turned to Hari and said, "Dude... you are so lucky. The woman next door has been here for 2 days!" Then Dr. Horowitz came literally running into the room, panting and wide-eyed... and clearly shocked that she was too late. She immediately began apologizing profusely that she didn't get there sooner, but I didn't care... I had my little guy, and that was all that mattered.
Hari sat down next to me, holding my hand and grinning from ear to ear, unable to look away from the little guy and I. And, as with Colin, he asked me if I had a name in mind. I paused, thinking for just a moment, and said, "I think he's a Ryan." Hari smiled and said that sounded like a fine name (it was on our short list). He then suggested that for the baby's middle name we continue our theme. For Colin's middle name we used my father's family name (Mode), so we did the same for Ryan. He was given Hari's true family name, Khajuria. Hari said he knew that his dad would be thrilled... not only were we using his family name, our new little guy was going to have the same initials as his grandpa: RKS!
And that, my friends, is how our little Ryan Khajuria Sharma came into the world.
(or at least how I remember it!)
DAD'S VERSION
I've requested this from Hari, but for now...
(For the record, I intended to post this on Ryan's first birthday, as I did with Colin. But keeping up with two boys while working full time and trying to keep from totally neglecting my poor husband can be challenging at times! So this is publishing about 9 months late, but it is finally here. When I'll get Hari's input is anyone's guess!)
MOM'S VERSION
Memorial Day weekend had arrived, and I was in a bit of a tizzy. My due date was May 31st, and to ensure that I didn't go too far past that my doctor had set a date... she was going to induce me on my due date. (She scheduled this because she was going to be away the week after I was due, and didn't want to risk me going 2 weeks past my due date, as there were potential complications if that were to happen.)
Knowing that I would be induced on Tuesday morning somehow made things worse for me. I realize that having an end in sight should have been a good thing, and would have made most women happy, but I just kept worrying that something might go wrong in the final few days. Scaring myself about how induction might be different than going "natural" as I had with Colin. And, truth be told, there was just some plain old general fear about the childbirth process. Everything happened so fast with Colin it was really a blur - I had no idea what to expect the second time around.
Friday came, my official last day of work, and we got out a little early as it was the last day before the Memorial Day holiday which was nice. Colin and I enjoyed a little time together, then Hari came home and toward the end of the evening we took a family walk. I was feeling a little off, but nothing much really so I didn't give it too much thought. We walked to the back of the development and let Syd and Colin run out some of their energy on the tennis courts, and I walked a few laps around the courts as well since I hadn't been able to make it to the gym in a few days and was feeling rather antsy. When we got home it was straight to bed for Colin, then Hari kindly suggested that I take a bath. It sounded delightful (it was really hot out) so I went, ran a nice warm bubble bath, and soaked for a while. I was still feeling a little off, and I'd say these sensations of "mild discomfort" came and went maybe once or twice over the course of an hour, but that was about it. We tried to watch a TV show but (as usual) I fell asleep on the sofa and Hari finally woke me to go upstairs to bed.
Saturday morning arrived and Hari made me a great breakfast: one of his famous egg-wiches. I didn't even bother to ask for the reduced-calorie version - just took what he made and enjoyed it. When I was expecting Colin I never had any cravings, but did find myself eating a lot more pineapple than usual. With LN2 there were no cravings, but my food obsession was Hari's egg-wiches. Whole-grain toast, a fried egg (or two), some turkey sausage, jalapenos, cheese (cheddar, or sometimes a jalapeno havarti, or peppadew... or a combination of cheeses!) and a generous slathering of Frank's Red Hot or Red Rooster (aka Siracha hot sauce). YUM!
After breakfast we took the family for another short walk - same as the night before. We had just made it to the first playground by our house when we ran into some neighbors, so Colin got to play with a couple of friends as Hari chatted with their fathers about the French Open. The other kids headed inside, but Hari kept talking to the other dads. Eventually Colin grew bored with the adults just standing and talking, so he took off (at light-speed, of course) down the path toward the street. I sprinted to grab him and the guys were very impressed at my speed, and considering my condition, although truth be told I certainly didn't feel very fast. We eventually continued our walk making our way back to the tennis courts again, as the temperatures began to climb. It was going to be another scorcher - probably going up into the 90s. I wasn't feeling great, just a low-grade icky feeling, but I was becoming a bit cranky according to Hari. That comment, of course, only served to make me feel more irritated thereby making his statement correct, which then irked me further. (He has a way of doing that - makes me nuts!)
Anyway, we got back to the house and I wanted to get Colin his lunch, and was very impatient about it. Not that it was a big deal, but it was lunch time and I wanted the kid to stay on schedule for once so we could get him down for his nap at a "normal" time. Hari didn't see the urgency, but wisely managed the entire lunch process on his own, as I lay on the sofa trying to not be a cranky mess.
This isn't to say that I was actively in labor - this wasn't labor. No sharp pains or anything debilitating. I just wasn't feeling entirely right. (Yes, I know... maybe I should have realized something was up since I was so close to my due date, but hindsight blah-blah-blah.) I considered that it might be "the day" but wasn't sure, and this certainly wasn't anything like the intense labor I had with Colin so I was pretty confident that I wasn't really in labor and there was PLENTY of time before we needed to mobilize.
After his lunch Colin came over to be with me on the sofa, and I put on a movie (How To Train Your Dragon, I think). It was a new film for Colin so he was interested, and I got a few crackers that we shared. Meanwhile Hari insisted that I tell him each time when I felt what I was describing as minor discomfort, so he could start timing. I reiterated that I was sure this was not labor, but complied mostly just to get him to stop bothering me.
For the record, our doctor had warned me that with a second pregnancy delivery is typically faster than the first time around, and seeing how I went from 0-60 with Colin she wanted us to call her (and I quote) as soon as the contractions became regular. To me this meant serious contractions like I felt with Colin, on regular intervals. And that isn't what I was experiencing. At all. I was mildly uncomfortable (this couldn't be contractions) and the timing varied: 10 minutes, 7 minutes, 3 minutes, 5 minutes, 7 minutes. That's not exactly what I call regular, and I reiterate they definitely were not contractions, so I insisted that there was nothing going on. Really.
Thankfully my darling husband didn't listen to me. Instead he turned the car on to cool it down (it was indeed a 90+ degree day... freakishly warm, just like the day Colin was born), put my bag in the car, and loaded Sydney into the car. He came back in for Colin, as I stubbornly continued to lay on the sofa, refusing to be part of his insanity parade. I was NOT in labor, and wasn't going anywhere. Then, as Hari was loading Colin into his carseat...
MY WATER BROKE.
AAAAAAUUUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!
I went from utter denial to mild panic as I realized that this was a) really happening, b) happening RIGHT NOW. CRAP!
Hari walked back into the house, I'm sure preparing for a crabby debate with his wife, and instead was faced with me shouting that my water broke as I sprinted up the stairs to change clothes. (I wasn't going anywhere like that - no way!)
We were in the van, and now I was having real contractions, hard and fast, every minute or two. Poor Hari was amazing. While driving as fast as possible through traffic trying to get to the freeway he was on the phone with everyone:
- he called my doctor and told her it was "game on"
- he called the hospital, explaining that we were on our way and they needed to have a stretcher for me (wheelchair wasn't going to cut it). This wasn't an easy negotiation, but he eventually won. Thankfully I had pre-registered at the hospital long before my due date, so at least that was done this time.
- he called Camp Bow Wow to let them know we were on our way with Sydney
- and he called Mahesh (who had agreed to watch Colin when the time came) to explain that he would have to meet us because we couldn't drop Colin off at their house now
This turned out to be a bit of an issue, only because our friend didn't understand the urgency of the situation. We have other friends who volunteered to watch Colin (and who live closer to the hospital and could have just met us there) but in my state I became adamant that Colin had to be with the Chandwanis because he had spent time there before without us, and that was where I felt he needed to be. PERIOD. Crazy pregnant-lady non-negotiable. Hari explained to Mahesh that while their house was on the way, we literally could not afford even a minor deviation. Mahesh finally relented, probably convinced that we were being ridiculous but playing along to humor us, and I was incredibly relieved to heard him say he would meet us and ask when he should leave... "Dude, NOW. I'm driving as fast as I can - you have to meet us at the dog place!" This was followed by directions.
As this was all going on, poor Colin was in the back seat clearly worried. He kept asking "What's wrong, Mama? What's wrong?" and insisted on holding my hand. This wasn't easy, as I had to reach diagonally into the back seat, but at least it gave me something else to focus on as each wave crashed over me, so I complied. I tried futilely to reassure him that I was OK, but the kiddo was not buying my nonsense - he knew something was up.
We finally made it to the freeway, and while it was a Saturday so there wasn't any rush-hour traffic, there were a lot of cars on the road. At one point I looked over and saw the speedometer hit 90 as Hari was weaving in and out between cars, and I couldn't have cared less. I just wanted him to GET ME THERE. A brief eternity later we were pulling into Camp Bow Wow. Hari got out of the car dragging Sydney in his wake and I saw a black car pull up next to ours. Hoping that it was Mahesh I pushed the "door open" button (thank God for minivan automatic doors!) and he grabbed Colin and whisked him away without so much as a goodbye as Hari was on his way back to the van.
With Colin gone I gave up on my self control and was cursing like a sailor as contraction upon contraction hit. There was almost no break between them - it felt nearly constant. It took maybe 5 minutes (or wasy it 5 years?) to get to the hospital, and they were waiting for me at the ER door. There was a wheelchair outside, and I could see the stretcher just inside the doors, but another contraction had just hit and I was pleading for Hari and the security guard to give me just a moment so I could make it into the wheelchair. (Yes, at that moment getting out of the van seemed like a really big challenge.) I somehow made it to the chair, then onto the gurney and I was on my way.
A nurse and an EMT were my escorts, and I lay on my side with my arms wrapped around myself trying to mentally go somewhere else. Anywhere else. I tried to think about Pogue Pond in Vermont (a favorite quiet place) but rational thought and serenity were pretty much gone. My body was on auto-pilot and I had no control over the situation. It is a really strange feeling... but I seriously almost felt like I was just along for the ride.
They got me upstairs, but I wasn't seeing much as I had my eyes closed. It seemed like the right thing to do at the moment. Anyway, the first nurse who saw me was very calm about the whole thing, and started asking me about epidurals, and talking about paperwork. I practically shouted that I didn't have an epidural before and didn't care about it now. I couldn't believe this woman didn't see that anesthesia wasn't an option!
Thankfully the other nurse was the same one who delivered Colin - Nurse Cathy. I don't know what guardian angle was on call that day, but this was an incredible stroke of good luck. Nurse Cathy took one look at me and said "I know this one - she goes fast." and then she snapped into drill sergeant mode. She began barking orders, instructing the other nurse to forget the paperwork, get the warmer in our room immediately, and get the staff doctor in right away because my doctor was never going to arrive in time. Meanwhile she was coaching me to be calm, and slow my breathing down so I didn't hyperventilate. I tried, and suddenly (thankfully) Hari was there at my side again. I reached for his hand, and squeezed as yet another contraction hit. He squeezed back just as hard, and it was game on.
A doctor showed up, and Nurse Cathy gave me the green light to push. I think I said something trite like "It hurrrrrts!" (duh - you're in labor, dummy!), but it was just two big pushes and the next thing I knew... I had another beautiful baby boy. He was a little wrinkly, much heavier than Colin (8 lbs 3 oz!), but exactly the same length as his big brother. They put him in my arms, and I just held him. In utter wonder that this little miracle was truly here. I just felt so serene. I can't describe it any other way. I went from the chaos and tumult of my high-speed delivery to an overwhelming feeling of peace and happiness.
Then reality came back. The doctor who had supervised the delivered (I didn't even know his name) turned to Hari and said, "Dude... you are so lucky. The woman next door has been here for 2 days!" Then Dr. Horowitz came literally running into the room, panting and wide-eyed... and clearly shocked that she was too late. She immediately began apologizing profusely that she didn't get there sooner, but I didn't care... I had my little guy, and that was all that mattered.
Hari sat down next to me, holding my hand and grinning from ear to ear, unable to look away from the little guy and I. And, as with Colin, he asked me if I had a name in mind. I paused, thinking for just a moment, and said, "I think he's a Ryan." Hari smiled and said that sounded like a fine name (it was on our short list). He then suggested that for the baby's middle name we continue our theme. For Colin's middle name we used my father's family name (Mode), so we did the same for Ryan. He was given Hari's true family name, Khajuria. Hari said he knew that his dad would be thrilled... not only were we using his family name, our new little guy was going to have the same initials as his grandpa: RKS!
And that, my friends, is how our little Ryan Khajuria Sharma came into the world.
(or at least how I remember it!)
DAD'S VERSION
I've requested this from Hari, but for now...
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