In the Words of A New Father

For my 40th birthday I had one request for my husband: write down a recollection of the day Colin was born.  It only took four months for him to write this, but was worth the wait.  Beautifully written and remembered (with a healthy dose of humor) as only H could manage.  Here is Colin's arrival, in the words of his father.

4-26-2009... the following events occurred real time

I woke up this Sunday morning at 5am soaking wet.  Usually, I wake up at 7 during the week, but Sunday's are golf days from March until October. That means the first tee time at Roycebrook CC in Hillsborough, NJ is reserved for Sharma and Patel.  We are what the course calls, "the rabbits", the guys who go out first and set the pace and tempo to make sure things keep moving on the course all day.  Now, back to the reason I was soaked.

Unfortunately, I am soaked on 4 out of 5 mornings when I wake up from terrible bouts of night sweats either from stress or just plain unwinding from pressure filled days.  Today, this was not the case, today it was from record setting heat.  Winter had turned sharply into Summer and I was pushing through all the wool sweaters and long pants to find my wrinkled shorts in the back of the closet.  As I threw on my clothes half asleep, I promised myself that today was the day I would start setting up the nursery with my baby boy due in only 10 days, but not until after golf, of course.  I try to leave the house quietly so Monica gets a few extra zzzzz's.  She has been amazing through this whole pregnancy not missing a single day of work, or a single day of working out for that matter, being meticulous with her nutrition as well.  The only visible signs of pregnancy over the last few months have been extra sleep, and as our wonderful friend Mary said, "she just looks like she's had a couple too many beers!!" she was simply radiant and she is ready for motherhood.  I could only hope that I was ready for fatherhood.

After leaving the house, I remember Monica telling me the night before that she wanted to come meet me at the golf course to take the dog for a hike somewhere nearby.  Of course, this would be after her Body Combat class at the gym.  The best way to describe this class is Kickboxing on Crack!  Thankfully, I will stick to my golf and my cart.

The golf round is uneventful through 15 holes and the rabbits are finishing fast as usual.  I have had two things within arms reach the whole round....a cell phone (necessary with a wife due in 10 days), and a beef jerky strip for a fox that has friended me on the course early this Spring. The cell phone is the first to see action. Monica is texting me to come straight home after golf sighting the heat as too much for the dog,Sydney, to handle. Notice that it is not too much for my wife who is due any day. I am relieved that I am out of the hike as well, and now I can get home and get to work on that nursery. I call Monica from the parking lot before I leave the course and she tells me she's not feeling great and that she is going to lay down for awhile until I get home.  I remember telling Nirat this information and he smiled and said that today may be the BIG day.

I stopped at Panera's for a sandwich To Go on the way home, and when I got there Monica was definitely behaving differently than usual. She was uncomfortable and a little cranky at this point.  I tried to see how she was doing, but stay out of her way at the same time.  I was clearly somewhat in denial at this point.  After my sandwich and now legendary chips, that Monica says irritated her with every crunch that she could hear all the way up in the bedroom, I started to realize that this really could be happening.  For about thirty seconds a whole gamut of emotions came over me from nervousness to excitement, but then I quickly snapped out of it when Monica asked me to put her BAG in the car.  THE BAG....the bag that had been packed for nearly 3 months and put nicely in the closet for the big moment that had finally arrived.  Yes, Monica was that prepared and I was still thinking about starting the nursery!!

Now the adrenaline had taken over.  I was packing the car and timing contractions.  T-A-C-O or C-O-A-T , I was told to remember in our family birthing classes.  It was a blur.  I was arguing with Monica over the validity of her contractions as she fought the pain on hands and knees between trips of scampering to the bathroom.  The classes, the literature, the doctors all said it was a long and drawn out process and that we shouldn't call or go to the hospital until contractions were 5 minutes apart. Well, Monica's had gone from 9 minutes to 7 minutes to 4 minutes apart all in under an hour.  All these experts said it wasn't supposed to be like in the movies or on TV where everyone was flying everywhere.  This was my mantra.  Meanwhile, this was exactly what was happening.  I called the doctor's and of course it was a Sunday...answering service..."we will page her and she will call you within 15 minutes" that's what we get. Monica can sense my anxiousness and tells me not to worry and that she will call.  I run out to the car for one last look through and realize that my feet are "on Fire".  I have no shoes on and this HOT 92 degree heat has soaked into the black asphalt I'm standing on.  My senses are already heightened and this pain was unbelievable.  I run inside and bolt straight upstairs to run cold water over my feet in the bath tub.  I don't have the courage to tell Monica how stupid I was and what I have just done.  I also was definitely not going to ask for any sympathy for my pain after I saw what she was going through, but man did my feet hurt.  I thought they were blistered for sure.

During this latest catastrophe, I realized that the doctor has not called us back and that my last scientific timings of the contractions which start and stop with Monica yelling in blood curdling pain, "NOW", are now under 3.5 minutes. I tell Monica that we are going to the hospital.  I call the hospital to let them know we are coming in about 20 minutes. Monica briefly fights me wanting to wait for a call from the doctor, which I have now tried for a second time, but i told Monica that I was not delivering this child.  We headed to the car....this was it!

Now we have to take the dog, Sydney, with us as well.  Organized Monica had gotten a special secret phone number months earlier so that when this day came she could bring Sydney to the doggy day care anytime night or day. So Monica reclined in the front seat and Sydney in the back seat with Seamus, the 17 year old cat, holding down the fort at home.  I call this special secret doggy day care number and of course leave a message.  I called with Monica's cell phone to keep my cell phone clear for a call from the doctor.  Moments later, as I am driving hurriedly toward the interstate the phone rings.  I am grabbing for both phones and realizing that it's Monica's phone.  To this I exclaimed that the dog people can call us back in 2 seconds, but the doctor is nowhere to be found!!

We get to the doggy day care, contractions under 3 minutes now, and literally race Sydney in and out car still running. The hospital is only 5 more minutes away (I made it in 2).  I drive into the emergency loop and see a wheelchair and security guard waiting for Monica. I am starting to relax, but boy am I thirsty.  Between burning my feet, arguing with Monica's contraction times and cursing the doctor I realize how parched I am. Especially, after all those salty chips!! I need an ice cold Coke....BAD.

I snapped back into focus.  Monica is holding up like a champ, but is in crazy pain.  We get her in and they take her straight to delivery when I tell them how far apart contractions are.  I thought this wasn't supposed to happen like this?  I quickly run to park my car which is still idling in the emergency lane.  I can't stand leaving Monica right now.

When I get back into the hospital all I can do is say "Where's my wife?"  A nice lady employee walked me all the way through the hospital to Monica's room.  When I got there it was 2:50.  The nurse in there was talking to Monica telling her to hold on until the doctor arrived.  Apparently, they had gotten hold of the doctor. I was told they had special ways!

The nurse was a great coach.  I felt that all my classes and training were useless because she was here and Monica was ready NOW!  As a side note, I will say that Monica asked me to put the NFL Draft on the TV.

The doctor appeared ten minutes later apologizing profusely.  There was no time for apologies as she quickly saw. Monica and the Baby were ready.  After a few tense and mind blowing moments the baby had arrived....no drugs, no needles, completely natural.  Total time elapsed at hospital 21 minutes. It was now 3:11 pm.

During birth the cord had gotten wrapped around Colin's neck and he was very blue as he greeted the world.  A team of doctors and nurses had gathered in the corner of our room to immediately help the baby and make sure he was breathing.  After all this time, MOM only got a brief moment with baby after all they had been through together today and for the last 10 months, but it was long enough for a loving gaze from Mom and a big smile from Baby.  The connection was instantaneous.  They whisked baby away to monitor vitals and oxygen levels, but we were told everything should be fine and he would return to us in a couple hours.

This is when two things happened.  The first was that Monica had a bucket of names left that we liked.  Well, the bucket was knocked over.  She knew immediately that he was, Colin.  I added Monica's maiden name as the middle name and young Colin Mode Sharma was born at 3:11 @ 6lbs. and 13ounces.  The second was a change that I know will last forever.  We, all three of us, became a FAMILY . There was not a force in the world that could separate our everlasting bond.  The world as we knew it had changed forever, and what a joyous change it was.  The center of the universe had changed... the sun or SON had become Colin and we would have it no other way.

I was lucky enough to be able to see Colin all hooked up to machines while he was being monitored.  He was so small, but so full of vigor.  I knew from the second he came into this world fighting for air and with a small birth defect in his cleft lip that he was going to have a tenacious zest for life and that his mother and I were going to have the time of our lives trying to keep up with him.  I couldn't wait to unhook him and have him reunited with Mom.

While we waited a little longer, impatiently, we called the family and friends and no one could believe our haste and Monica's strength and courage.  Finally, the moment arose and family was united.  The three of us, together.  The appearance would show the love, tenderness, and joy of the moment.  But what the appearance wouldn't show is that this Family has a strength and that the strength of All three, yes even this tiny 6lbs. boy, has made me a MAN for the first time in my life. And in these moments and events of the day I have seen Monica's strength.  I have seen Colin's strength and will to survive, and that they have fueled me and given me an inner strength to care and nurture this family as a single focus for the rest of my life. This, I said to myself, must be FATHERHOOD and I am ready.

Yes, this day, 4.26.09 has been an amazing and unforgettable day. But it is just the beginning, for the Sharma family, and is the first chapter of my new life titled Fatherhood and I can't wait to keep turning the pages with them.