The Mysterious Case of the Big League Chew
In a (fruitless) effort to try and get the boys to stop chewing on their fingernails I bought a pack of gum the other day, and gave each one a slice.
Because their father is convinced that our six and eight year old sons will (literally) choke to death if they are walking and chewing gum at the same time, I monitored them closely. And as a measure of self preservation I reminded them that when they were done the gum goes in the garbage can.
Everything went well.
The next evening after school I noticed the boys were again chewing gum. Hmmmm... "Colin, did you go into my purse and get the gum out?"
**guilty look** Ummm... no. I found the gum Daddy left on the table. (Hari was enjoying some Big League Chew the other day... a rarity as he almost never chews gum.) We had a brief conversation about not taking Daddy's gum without permission, and that was that. When they went to eat dinner I asked both boys to throw their gum out, and we were done with it.
Or so I thought.
This morning I woke up at 5AM, took the dogs for a walk as usual, and was in the kitchen starting to make coffee when I heard the shout from upstairs. "MOMMY!!!!!" This let me know that Ryan was awake, and I went to meet him on the stairs. He's my morning bird, and will wake up to come have breakfast with me.
I went to the steps and he met me on the landing, jumped into my arms, and I carried him into the kitchen. I put him down then went to give him a nice hug. He leaned his head into my stomach and I put one arm around his shoulders and laid my other hand on top of his head to stroke his hair. And found something... hard.
I pulled back, looked and saw a small (pea-sized) lump of gum in his hair. I was frustrated but stayed calm. I got a piece of ice and tried to freeze it so I could pick it out. It wasn't working. Then I found a 2-inch swatch of gum over his left ear.
THAT'S IT. Ryan, you're getting a haircut.
I grabbed the clippers out and sat him down at the kitchen table. I put on the guard as usual... and found ANOTHER clump of gum at the nape of his neck. All righty... here we go. I started to try and buzz his hair. And the guard caught on the gum, cut absolutely nothing, and pulled the hair at the nape of his neck. Please keep in mind it was approximately 6AM and the boy had been out of bed for less than 10 minutes.
He shrieked and started sobbing. Loudly. And screaming that he wasn't going to let me do it again.
Not surprisingly, Hari shouted down the stairs. The jig was up.
Hari: WHAT IS GOING ON?!?!?!
Me: Nothing
Hari: WHAT'S WRONG WITH RYAN???
Me: Don't ask. You don't want to know.
Hari: WHAT. IS. GOING. ON????!!!!
Me: *resigned* Ryan has gum in his hair and I'm cutting it out.
Hari: *stony silence* ... Ryan, behave and let your mother cut your hair.
I somehow managed to cut his hair, make it look good/normal, and get all the gum out.
Then the investigation began.
Me: Ryan, where did this gum come from?
Ryan: (tearfully) I don't know. I DON'T KNOW! Colin must have put gum in my hair. I DON'T KNOW HOW THIS HAPPENED!!!!
I dropped it. Then that night I asked Colin if he could give me the rest of the package of Big League Chew. He immediately went to his top dresser drawer ('cause that's where everyone stashes their stolen candy) and dug under his shirts to find the package. Which was empty. He was obviously shocked, so I knew it wasn't a fake-out, and said "Ryan must have had the rest. He stole it."
There is no honor among theives.
I eventually got the truth out of Ryan. The night before when I was reading to him, he had the covers snuggled up to his face. It wasn't, however, due to cold (or just to be cute). He was hiding the fact that he was chewing a big wad of gum.
The upside:
- Ryan apparently had the sense to put the gum in his hand before he fell asleep
- Somehow while Ryan's head was mostly covered in gum I didn't have to shave his head
- Miraculously there was NO gum anywhere on Ryan's bed, sheets, pillow or blanket
Scooby snacks all around for solving the mystery!
Because their father is convinced that our six and eight year old sons will (literally) choke to death if they are walking and chewing gum at the same time, I monitored them closely. And as a measure of self preservation I reminded them that when they were done the gum goes in the garbage can.
Everything went well.
The next evening after school I noticed the boys were again chewing gum. Hmmmm... "Colin, did you go into my purse and get the gum out?"
**guilty look** Ummm... no. I found the gum Daddy left on the table. (Hari was enjoying some Big League Chew the other day... a rarity as he almost never chews gum.) We had a brief conversation about not taking Daddy's gum without permission, and that was that. When they went to eat dinner I asked both boys to throw their gum out, and we were done with it.
Or so I thought.
This morning I woke up at 5AM, took the dogs for a walk as usual, and was in the kitchen starting to make coffee when I heard the shout from upstairs. "MOMMY!!!!!" This let me know that Ryan was awake, and I went to meet him on the stairs. He's my morning bird, and will wake up to come have breakfast with me.
I went to the steps and he met me on the landing, jumped into my arms, and I carried him into the kitchen. I put him down then went to give him a nice hug. He leaned his head into my stomach and I put one arm around his shoulders and laid my other hand on top of his head to stroke his hair. And found something... hard.
I pulled back, looked and saw a small (pea-sized) lump of gum in his hair. I was frustrated but stayed calm. I got a piece of ice and tried to freeze it so I could pick it out. It wasn't working. Then I found a 2-inch swatch of gum over his left ear.
THAT'S IT. Ryan, you're getting a haircut.
I grabbed the clippers out and sat him down at the kitchen table. I put on the guard as usual... and found ANOTHER clump of gum at the nape of his neck. All righty... here we go. I started to try and buzz his hair. And the guard caught on the gum, cut absolutely nothing, and pulled the hair at the nape of his neck. Please keep in mind it was approximately 6AM and the boy had been out of bed for less than 10 minutes.
He shrieked and started sobbing. Loudly. And screaming that he wasn't going to let me do it again.
Not surprisingly, Hari shouted down the stairs. The jig was up.
Hari: WHAT IS GOING ON?!?!?!
Me: Nothing
Hari: WHAT'S WRONG WITH RYAN???
Me: Don't ask. You don't want to know.
Hari: WHAT. IS. GOING. ON????!!!!
Me: *resigned* Ryan has gum in his hair and I'm cutting it out.
Hari: *stony silence* ... Ryan, behave and let your mother cut your hair.
I somehow managed to cut his hair, make it look good/normal, and get all the gum out.
Then the investigation began.
Me: Ryan, where did this gum come from?
Ryan: (tearfully) I don't know. I DON'T KNOW! Colin must have put gum in my hair. I DON'T KNOW HOW THIS HAPPENED!!!!
I dropped it. Then that night I asked Colin if he could give me the rest of the package of Big League Chew. He immediately went to his top dresser drawer ('cause that's where everyone stashes their stolen candy) and dug under his shirts to find the package. Which was empty. He was obviously shocked, so I knew it wasn't a fake-out, and said "Ryan must have had the rest. He stole it."
There is no honor among theives.
I eventually got the truth out of Ryan. The night before when I was reading to him, he had the covers snuggled up to his face. It wasn't, however, due to cold (or just to be cute). He was hiding the fact that he was chewing a big wad of gum.
The upside:
- Ryan apparently had the sense to put the gum in his hand before he fell asleep
- Somehow while Ryan's head was mostly covered in gum I didn't have to shave his head
- Miraculously there was NO gum anywhere on Ryan's bed, sheets, pillow or blanket
Scooby snacks all around for solving the mystery!
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