Family Pictures

How you plan family photos:

• Schedule session, family shows up on time, everyone smiles nicely and no one blinks at any inopportune moments, and you have a plethora of beautiful photos from which to choose your final shots.

How family photos actually happen with a husband and two boys under 2:

• Schedule photo session for Saturday afternoon.
• DAY 1:
• Go for toddler haircut on Saturday morning. Barber is too busy, come back 2 hours later.  Wait another hour. Toddler proceeds to scream in terror throughout hair cut, which is terminated part-way through.  (Mom is horrified that child's hair now looks worse than before we began, but it is too late.)
• Realize that mom, who hasn't showered in over 24 hours, will not have time now to shower and get boys ready while dad showers.
• Call and reschedule photo session for next morning.
• DAY 2:
• Toddler sleeps in (for once) and family doesn't get up until 8:00.
• After breakfast dad and toddler watch a movie while mom grabs a shower.
• Mom, dripping wet, hears the call that the baby needs her.
• Toddler still watching video, mom grabs baby and tries to console 2-week old infant while putting on makeup.  Dad goes to clean litter box and finds that 19-year-old cat had a whoopsie (again - UGH) and begins the clean-up and disinfect process.
• Dog needs a quick walk to go potty, and we're supposed to be at the studio in 20 minutes.  Dad still hasn't showered.
• Decide to just show up late for appointment.

• Mom gives up on hope of sleek hair, and instead goes with the bushy-curly air-dried look.  Roseanne Roseannadanna, eat your heart out!
• Hear phone ringing, decide not to answer it since it is probably the studio asking where we are.
• Dad very carefully gives toddler a snack just before leaving as mom packs the diaper bag with diapers, baby photo outfit, bibs, baby backup outfit, snacks, water, phone, iTouch, wallet, backup shirt for mom (just in case!), burp cloths... and a partridge in a pear tree.
• FINALLY LEAVE THE HOUSE - HOORAY!
• Check voice mail, call studio back.  Blatantly lie and say that we thought the appointment was booked for an hour later, and ask if they can still fit us in.  (They did - hooray again!)
• Photo session begins:
• Chatterbox toddler with the huge personality suddenly becomes shy and refuses to smile.
• Peaceful happy and alert baby wakes up and begins sobbing.  Crying continues through most of the session.
• Photographer and assistant try desperately to get some good shots.
• Toddler begins hiding behind mom, then starts crawling on mom.
• Photo session ends.
• Mom spends the next hour (yes, HOUR!) working with the photographer to pick which images we want while Dad takes toddler on a shopping tour through the store.  (This wasn't due to my indecision... the photographer tried to give me a "deal" with a second coupon which didn't work so I ended up having to re-choose all my photos.)

Amazingly there were quite a few good pictures to choose from, which I attribute entirely to the skills of the photographer (and the assistant photographer).  They even managed to get a great shot of me and Colin while he was crawling on me!

It wasn't exactly smooth and easy, but we did it.  I just hope this gets easier in the years to come.
I know that isn't likely, especially with two boys, but a girl can dream.  Right?