Karma
I've been seething about this for a while, and finally decided to write about it.
Over the past couple of years I became friends with some of the other moms who live in our area. Since we live in a townhouse all the back "yards" are a big connected T-shape, and there's a veritable gaggle of children of similar ages who all played together. The oldest was a couple of years older than Colin, and the youngest is about a year younger than Ryan.
I became quite close with the mom of Colin's absolute best friend. At least a couple of nights each week the boys would run over and start playing with the other kids, or if the weather wasn't as nice they would just go into the friend's house. I would either stay outside with the group of moms, or sometimes I would head inside to the specific friend's house and just chat with his mom. And while they tended to speak in various dialects that I couldn't understand (they are all Indian), it was a very friendly group and I had become especially close with Colin's best friend's mom. In addition there was one other mom who would invite me into her house to chat, have an occasional cocktail, etc.
That was last year.
It was a very hard winter here in NJ, and everywhere else I suppose. The snow was so deep it had to be moved using construction equipment (plows couldn't cut it) and it was insanely cold, so everyone pretty much stayed inside. This wasn't unusual, as we typically had minimal interaction with the neighbors during the winter, so I never gave it a second thought.
But as winter turned to spring I started to get the feeling that something was off with one of the neighbors, the mom of two kids I will call "Andy" and "Ann." It seemed like when we passed her in the street, driving past, I swear she was looking away or ignoring my wave, things like that.
Nah. I must be imagining it.
Then spring came and the weather finally warmed up. Kids started playing outside. Colin saw his two friends, Ann and Andy... and he and Ryan ran over to play with them. I put on my shoes, and found the kids inside the neighbor's house. This wasn't unusual - the entire summer before Colin and Ryan would run over and head inside to play with Andy and Ann, and I'd catch up a minute or two later, knock, then go inside and chat with the mom. Well, this time when I came over my boys were inside, shoes off playing with their friends. Colin was all excited saying that Ann and Andy said they were headed to the playground, and could we please go too?
The next thing I know, the mom is standing near the door, won't look me in the eye, and I got a distinct feeling that I shouldn't go in the house. I asked about Andy and Ann's birthdays which were coming up within the next week or two and she mumbled something, clearly not wanting to talk to me. I had no idea what was going on, but when she proclaimed that Andy and Ann needed to get their shoes on because they were leaving I got the not-so-subtle hint and corralled my boys so we could leave.
Over the next few weeks I talked to Hari about it, wracking my brain trying to think what could be wrong. And I couldn't come up with anything.
We invited them to Colin's birthday party, they declined.
I finally decided that I would send her an email and ask what was going on since she clearly didn't want to talk to me about it. I reiterated that we considered them to be good friends, and if we had somehow done (or not done) anything that had offended them I hoped they would let us know so we could talk about it. About a week later I got a very curt reply saying that everything was OK. But it clearly wasn't.
Since then we have been ostracized. The other moms won't talk to me. The kids all play together, but won't play with Colin and Ryan. And it has been expanded to other parts of the neighborhood. Kids that Colin and Ryan used to play with regularly are downright mean and rude to them. At the pool one day a bunch of kids (all of whom we know) were there, clearly for one child's birthday celebration. One kid came up to Colin and, as if we didn't already know, said that he and all of his friends weren't going to play with Colin.
Another time one child came over and was (GASP) playing with Colin right behind our house and Ann came over and told him, without compunction, "Don't talk to him. Remember?"
So we spent the entire summer as pariahs in our own neighborhood. Colin's best friend moved in the spring, the one other non-Indian girl who he played with moved in June, and the remainder of our neighbors have all aligned against us. And if some of them aren't actively against us, they are all just going with the flow with Ann and Andy's psycho mom, so the net result is the same.
For the life of me, I have literally NO idea what happened. What transgression we made that was so egregious that not only have I been ostracized but they are taking it out on my kids. To say that I'm mad about this is an incredible understatement. I'd like to start an all out war, and find a way to make all of their lives utterly miserable. But my husband has counseled against this, and some small rational part of me knows he is right so instead I just seethe. What makes it even better? At Colin's school there are FIVE different kindergarten classes, and "Ann" is in Colin's class. Not surprisingly, since this child has no social skills whatsoever, she decided (at least at school) that she would deign to talk to Colin. And he's so nice that he doesn't hold a grudge (UNLIKE HIS MOM!) and is nice to her.
I'm so painfully sick and tired of these idiots, and whatever stupid axe it is that they have to grind with me. I couldn't care less what awful thing they think I've done. I'm done with idiots who don't have the decency to at least TELL ME what the heck is wrong. I'm done with the stupid neighbors and their mean kids. And I'm done with ALL of these worthless women and their drama. If you want to act like a petulant 12-year-old toward me that's one thing, but making us explain to a 3 and 5-year old that none of their "friends" want to play with them anymore is beyond the pale.
I just really hope that Karma is the bitch that everyone always says she is, and that somewhere down the line these people get what they deserve for being such jerks.
Over the past couple of years I became friends with some of the other moms who live in our area. Since we live in a townhouse all the back "yards" are a big connected T-shape, and there's a veritable gaggle of children of similar ages who all played together. The oldest was a couple of years older than Colin, and the youngest is about a year younger than Ryan.
I became quite close with the mom of Colin's absolute best friend. At least a couple of nights each week the boys would run over and start playing with the other kids, or if the weather wasn't as nice they would just go into the friend's house. I would either stay outside with the group of moms, or sometimes I would head inside to the specific friend's house and just chat with his mom. And while they tended to speak in various dialects that I couldn't understand (they are all Indian), it was a very friendly group and I had become especially close with Colin's best friend's mom. In addition there was one other mom who would invite me into her house to chat, have an occasional cocktail, etc.
That was last year.
It was a very hard winter here in NJ, and everywhere else I suppose. The snow was so deep it had to be moved using construction equipment (plows couldn't cut it) and it was insanely cold, so everyone pretty much stayed inside. This wasn't unusual, as we typically had minimal interaction with the neighbors during the winter, so I never gave it a second thought.
But as winter turned to spring I started to get the feeling that something was off with one of the neighbors, the mom of two kids I will call "Andy" and "Ann." It seemed like when we passed her in the street, driving past, I swear she was looking away or ignoring my wave, things like that.
Nah. I must be imagining it.
Then spring came and the weather finally warmed up. Kids started playing outside. Colin saw his two friends, Ann and Andy... and he and Ryan ran over to play with them. I put on my shoes, and found the kids inside the neighbor's house. This wasn't unusual - the entire summer before Colin and Ryan would run over and head inside to play with Andy and Ann, and I'd catch up a minute or two later, knock, then go inside and chat with the mom. Well, this time when I came over my boys were inside, shoes off playing with their friends. Colin was all excited saying that Ann and Andy said they were headed to the playground, and could we please go too?
The next thing I know, the mom is standing near the door, won't look me in the eye, and I got a distinct feeling that I shouldn't go in the house. I asked about Andy and Ann's birthdays which were coming up within the next week or two and she mumbled something, clearly not wanting to talk to me. I had no idea what was going on, but when she proclaimed that Andy and Ann needed to get their shoes on because they were leaving I got the not-so-subtle hint and corralled my boys so we could leave.
Over the next few weeks I talked to Hari about it, wracking my brain trying to think what could be wrong. And I couldn't come up with anything.
We invited them to Colin's birthday party, they declined.
I finally decided that I would send her an email and ask what was going on since she clearly didn't want to talk to me about it. I reiterated that we considered them to be good friends, and if we had somehow done (or not done) anything that had offended them I hoped they would let us know so we could talk about it. About a week later I got a very curt reply saying that everything was OK. But it clearly wasn't.
Since then we have been ostracized. The other moms won't talk to me. The kids all play together, but won't play with Colin and Ryan. And it has been expanded to other parts of the neighborhood. Kids that Colin and Ryan used to play with regularly are downright mean and rude to them. At the pool one day a bunch of kids (all of whom we know) were there, clearly for one child's birthday celebration. One kid came up to Colin and, as if we didn't already know, said that he and all of his friends weren't going to play with Colin.
Another time one child came over and was (GASP) playing with Colin right behind our house and Ann came over and told him, without compunction, "Don't talk to him. Remember?"
So we spent the entire summer as pariahs in our own neighborhood. Colin's best friend moved in the spring, the one other non-Indian girl who he played with moved in June, and the remainder of our neighbors have all aligned against us. And if some of them aren't actively against us, they are all just going with the flow with Ann and Andy's psycho mom, so the net result is the same.
For the life of me, I have literally NO idea what happened. What transgression we made that was so egregious that not only have I been ostracized but they are taking it out on my kids. To say that I'm mad about this is an incredible understatement. I'd like to start an all out war, and find a way to make all of their lives utterly miserable. But my husband has counseled against this, and some small rational part of me knows he is right so instead I just seethe. What makes it even better? At Colin's school there are FIVE different kindergarten classes, and "Ann" is in Colin's class. Not surprisingly, since this child has no social skills whatsoever, she decided (at least at school) that she would deign to talk to Colin. And he's so nice that he doesn't hold a grudge (UNLIKE HIS MOM!) and is nice to her.
I'm so painfully sick and tired of these idiots, and whatever stupid axe it is that they have to grind with me. I couldn't care less what awful thing they think I've done. I'm done with idiots who don't have the decency to at least TELL ME what the heck is wrong. I'm done with the stupid neighbors and their mean kids. And I'm done with ALL of these worthless women and their drama. If you want to act like a petulant 12-year-old toward me that's one thing, but making us explain to a 3 and 5-year old that none of their "friends" want to play with them anymore is beyond the pale.
I just really hope that Karma is the bitch that everyone always says she is, and that somewhere down the line these people get what they deserve for being such jerks.
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