Relatives and Real Life
Lately Colin has been somewhat obsessed with the concept of relatives. He says they haven't been talking about it in school, but I don't know where else he would have come up with such a pressing concern about the fact that he doesn't have any cousins. I'm an only child, and Hari's sister never had kids, so our boys truly don't have any cousins.
BUT we do have lots of faux Aunts and Uncles and cousins, and Hari wisely reminded Colin of that. What about Uncle Heshy? Aunt Nora and Uncle Lenny? Uncle Mike and Aunt Laura? All their kids are your cousins! Colin thought about it, and started to smile. "So Shray is my cousin? And John Paul? And Patrick?" That's right, buddy. And Sisi, and Kateri, and Charlie and Brendan, and Max, and even baby Julian!
Colin was thrilled and the matter was addressed.
Then last night I went to try and help him understand that he actually does have an extended family. Not so long ago my Aunt Jo made a wonderful booklet with family pictures of the Mode family tree, including photos of my great grandparents all the way through my dad and his sisters. I took it out last night and showed Colin all of our ancestors. He was amazed to see my grandparents, and their grandparents. And photos of my grandparents as toddlers. And photos of my dad and his sisters as children. He was amazed at the photo of my dad, probably just a year older than Colin now, who looks like a clone of my dad.
Ryan was clearly not excited about reading this "book" as our bedtime story but Colin was riveted. He kept looking at the pictures, then wanted to go back through again, repeating back to me who was who. He asked a lot of questions about who was alive and who wasn't, and didn't it make me sad that my grandparents were dead. I then explained to him that all of the people in that book were my family. He was amazed - you have a GIANT family, mommy!!!
I smiled, as he had fallen neatly into the trap I set. "Yes, Colin. And they are all your family too."
Colin got this giant grin on his face and I was so proud of my incredibly wonderful parenting. Hooray for me! I'm an awesome mom!
I shooed the boys off to bed, turned the lights out, and lay down with them briefly to chat. Ryan snuggled in and started drowsing, but as always Colin wanted to talk. He popped his head up and looked at me in the moonlight...
Colin: "Mommy, am I going to die?"
Me: (oh crap)... "Yes, some day, a long-long-long-long-long-long-LONG time from now, you'll die."
Colin: "Will you die someday?"
Me: (oh double-crap) "Yes, some day, a long-long-long-long-long-long-LONG time from now, I'll die."
Colin (sobbing): "So is that what real life is??? You get old and then everybody DIES?!?!?"
I tried ineffectively to tell poor Colin that people live long lives. That his great-grandparents lived to be more than 90, and all of his grandparents are still alive. That he would grow up, go to grade-school, and high school, and college, and get a job, and get married, and have kids, and become a grandpa, and blah-blah-blah... and none of it mattered. Ryan even tried to make Colin feel better, stroking his head and telling him that it would be OK, and to not be so sad. But Colin was distraught and couldn't be consoled. My poor darling sensitive boy lay in bed, with his hands covering his face, sobbing hysterically and repeating over and over "I'm gonna die. I'm gonna get old and die!" until he eventually fell asleep.
So in the space of 10 minutes I went from thinking I'm Supermom to Pond-scum Mom. UGH.
BUT we do have lots of faux Aunts and Uncles and cousins, and Hari wisely reminded Colin of that. What about Uncle Heshy? Aunt Nora and Uncle Lenny? Uncle Mike and Aunt Laura? All their kids are your cousins! Colin thought about it, and started to smile. "So Shray is my cousin? And John Paul? And Patrick?" That's right, buddy. And Sisi, and Kateri, and Charlie and Brendan, and Max, and even baby Julian!
Colin was thrilled and the matter was addressed.
Then last night I went to try and help him understand that he actually does have an extended family. Not so long ago my Aunt Jo made a wonderful booklet with family pictures of the Mode family tree, including photos of my great grandparents all the way through my dad and his sisters. I took it out last night and showed Colin all of our ancestors. He was amazed to see my grandparents, and their grandparents. And photos of my grandparents as toddlers. And photos of my dad and his sisters as children. He was amazed at the photo of my dad, probably just a year older than Colin now, who looks like a clone of my dad.
Ryan was clearly not excited about reading this "book" as our bedtime story but Colin was riveted. He kept looking at the pictures, then wanted to go back through again, repeating back to me who was who. He asked a lot of questions about who was alive and who wasn't, and didn't it make me sad that my grandparents were dead. I then explained to him that all of the people in that book were my family. He was amazed - you have a GIANT family, mommy!!!
I smiled, as he had fallen neatly into the trap I set. "Yes, Colin. And they are all your family too."
Colin got this giant grin on his face and I was so proud of my incredibly wonderful parenting. Hooray for me! I'm an awesome mom!
I shooed the boys off to bed, turned the lights out, and lay down with them briefly to chat. Ryan snuggled in and started drowsing, but as always Colin wanted to talk. He popped his head up and looked at me in the moonlight...
Colin: "Mommy, am I going to die?"
Me: (oh crap)... "Yes, some day, a long-long-long-long-long-long-LONG time from now, you'll die."
Colin: "Will you die someday?"
Me: (oh double-crap) "Yes, some day, a long-long-long-long-long-long-LONG time from now, I'll die."
Colin (sobbing): "So is that what real life is??? You get old and then everybody DIES?!?!?"
I tried ineffectively to tell poor Colin that people live long lives. That his great-grandparents lived to be more than 90, and all of his grandparents are still alive. That he would grow up, go to grade-school, and high school, and college, and get a job, and get married, and have kids, and become a grandpa, and blah-blah-blah... and none of it mattered. Ryan even tried to make Colin feel better, stroking his head and telling him that it would be OK, and to not be so sad. But Colin was distraught and couldn't be consoled. My poor darling sensitive boy lay in bed, with his hands covering his face, sobbing hysterically and repeating over and over "I'm gonna die. I'm gonna get old and die!" until he eventually fell asleep.
So in the space of 10 minutes I went from thinking I'm Supermom to Pond-scum Mom. UGH.
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