To Sleep, Perchance to Dream...
Over the past few weeks I've watched Colin go from a happy-go-lucky kid who would intentionally close himself in a dark bathroom just for fun, into a little guy who is afraid to be in a room by himself. At first I tried to just ignore it, hoping that by not giving attention to this wacky behavior it would just go away. I thought I'd just wait it out, assuming that he was either going through a phase, or having a reaction to a recent change at school (he moved from his preschool class up to Pre-K at the beginning of June).
Yesterday, however, I finally was forced to acknowledge that whatever the cause, Colin needs some help to get through/over this. I asked him to put some clothes in the laundry hamper, which is upstairs in my bedroom. He did it (surprising in itself based on his recent timidity), but while he was upstairs he suddenly shrieked and then I heard him sprinting down the stairs so fast that I ran over as I was concerned he was going to tumble head over heels down the steps. The poor child was nearly in tears, and when I asked him what was going on he said that he thought he saw "the beast."
He's mentioned "the beast" once or twice in the past, as some sort of creature from a bad dream. I didn't pay much attention, but clearly this isn't just a passing dream. I don't want to make a huge deal out of this, and turn it into an attention-getting behavior, but also don't want to dismiss this if it is causing this much concern for Colin.
Hari's perspective on dreams is that if you have a bad dream, when you wake up it is over and you should logically realize you're fine. And I encouraged him to try and take this tack with Colin and see if it works. In the meantime I'm trying something a little different. As someone who suffers from an overactive imagination, and from horrific nightmares that I have dealt with since I was Colin's age, I understand that sometimes logic doesn't help. You wake up and you're still seeing and feeling whatever you were dealing with in your dream... and even though you rationally understand that it was just a dream, you still can't shake it.
I'm hoping that isn't the case with Colin, but if he is having dreams like mine I want to give him tools to deal with it. I started by telling him that monsters aren't allowed in our house, and that our home is our safe place. Nothing bad can happen here, and Mommy told all the beasts and monsters they aren't allowed in our house. And no one is scarier than Mommy! Plus Daddy would beat them up because no one is stronger than Daddy! Then I told him that the beast isn't real - it is just in his dreams, and asked if he understood that. He said yes, he knows that it was a dream and that the beast is in his head (he pointed to his forehead to reiterate), but he said in his dreams the beast is chasing him. The beast has a giant head with long hair, and it chases him and he runs and tries to hide but he can't get away. (Yikes!)
Next I tried telling Colin that when he's in his dreams, he is in charge. He is the boss. So all he needs to do is tell "the beast" to go away and it would have to listen to him. That it would just "POOF" and disappear. We did some pretending about telling the best to go away until he started laughing about it and I hoped that would be it. But when it was time to go to bed, without any warning, he started getting scared again. Someone in a neighboring house shut a car door and he whimpered. He said he didn't want to lay on his side of the bed because the beast could come in the room and he wouldn't be safe. They closed a cabinet and he dove under the covers, cowering and terrified. I explained what the noises were, and told him that there is no real beast, reminding him that our house is a safe place.
He eventually fell asleep, and slept peacefully, but now I'm worried. All day long I just keep thinking about how my poor son is so scared, and trying to determine how to best deal with this without turning it into some huge honking issue. How do I reassure him without making this into a larger concern? I feel like I'm waltzing through a minefield with a blindfold on - I have no idea what the right decision is, or the best way to handle this. Do I talk to him about it and try and help him deal with things? Do I just ignore it as a "phase" that kids all go through and hope it goes away? With either route I run the risk of making it worse. Sadly there's no map, or guaranteed right decision, so I guess I'll just have to muddle through it and hope I accidentally make a good parenting choice. Fingers crossed...
Yesterday, however, I finally was forced to acknowledge that whatever the cause, Colin needs some help to get through/over this. I asked him to put some clothes in the laundry hamper, which is upstairs in my bedroom. He did it (surprising in itself based on his recent timidity), but while he was upstairs he suddenly shrieked and then I heard him sprinting down the stairs so fast that I ran over as I was concerned he was going to tumble head over heels down the steps. The poor child was nearly in tears, and when I asked him what was going on he said that he thought he saw "the beast."
He's mentioned "the beast" once or twice in the past, as some sort of creature from a bad dream. I didn't pay much attention, but clearly this isn't just a passing dream. I don't want to make a huge deal out of this, and turn it into an attention-getting behavior, but also don't want to dismiss this if it is causing this much concern for Colin.
Hari's perspective on dreams is that if you have a bad dream, when you wake up it is over and you should logically realize you're fine. And I encouraged him to try and take this tack with Colin and see if it works. In the meantime I'm trying something a little different. As someone who suffers from an overactive imagination, and from horrific nightmares that I have dealt with since I was Colin's age, I understand that sometimes logic doesn't help. You wake up and you're still seeing and feeling whatever you were dealing with in your dream... and even though you rationally understand that it was just a dream, you still can't shake it.
I'm hoping that isn't the case with Colin, but if he is having dreams like mine I want to give him tools to deal with it. I started by telling him that monsters aren't allowed in our house, and that our home is our safe place. Nothing bad can happen here, and Mommy told all the beasts and monsters they aren't allowed in our house. And no one is scarier than Mommy! Plus Daddy would beat them up because no one is stronger than Daddy! Then I told him that the beast isn't real - it is just in his dreams, and asked if he understood that. He said yes, he knows that it was a dream and that the beast is in his head (he pointed to his forehead to reiterate), but he said in his dreams the beast is chasing him. The beast has a giant head with long hair, and it chases him and he runs and tries to hide but he can't get away. (Yikes!)
Next I tried telling Colin that when he's in his dreams, he is in charge. He is the boss. So all he needs to do is tell "the beast" to go away and it would have to listen to him. That it would just "POOF" and disappear. We did some pretending about telling the best to go away until he started laughing about it and I hoped that would be it. But when it was time to go to bed, without any warning, he started getting scared again. Someone in a neighboring house shut a car door and he whimpered. He said he didn't want to lay on his side of the bed because the beast could come in the room and he wouldn't be safe. They closed a cabinet and he dove under the covers, cowering and terrified. I explained what the noises were, and told him that there is no real beast, reminding him that our house is a safe place.
He eventually fell asleep, and slept peacefully, but now I'm worried. All day long I just keep thinking about how my poor son is so scared, and trying to determine how to best deal with this without turning it into some huge honking issue. How do I reassure him without making this into a larger concern? I feel like I'm waltzing through a minefield with a blindfold on - I have no idea what the right decision is, or the best way to handle this. Do I talk to him about it and try and help him deal with things? Do I just ignore it as a "phase" that kids all go through and hope it goes away? With either route I run the risk of making it worse. Sadly there's no map, or guaranteed right decision, so I guess I'll just have to muddle through it and hope I accidentally make a good parenting choice. Fingers crossed...
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