Mornings are Groundhog Day
I'm working from home today and made an observation.
There's a Bill Murray movie called Groundhog Day. In this hysterical movie he plays a man who relives the same day. Over and over and over and over. Until he finally gets it right.
And as much as Hari claims to hate that movie, I'm realizing that we are living it.
Pretty much every morning goes something like this:
Hari: Good morning, Ryan.
Colin, wake up. Wake up! WAKE UP!
Colin, would you get out of bed. For the love of God, GET UP!
Ryan, please get off the floor.
*ARF! ARF! I'm Snowball. I'm a 4 year old Husky. I'm a boy dog, and I was lost when I was a puppy and now you adopted me. AROOOOOOO!!!!!!
OK, you're not Ryan, you're Snowball. Good boy Snowball! Can you do the trick where you get dressed like a boy? Good dog!
Colin, let go of the pillow. You have to get up.
COLIN GET UP!!!!
Colin: ALL RIGHT - why are you being such a crab?!?
Ryan, please brush your teeth.
ARF!
Sorry, Snowball, can you brush your doggy teeth? Good boy!
*Internal dialogue... hmm... where's Colin*
COLIN - why are you back in bed? GET UP!!!!!
Ryan, please go eat breakfast. Sorry, Snowball, can you go eat breakfast?
OK! (Ryan, crawls off, not in the direction of the kitchen.)
COLIN! GET OUT OF BED!
Ryan? Ryan??? Where are you????? (DANG IT) Snowball, where are you?
ARF!
Are you eating breakfast?
ARF! No, I'm (pick any activity utterly unrelated to getting ready for school).
Please, buddy, eat breakfast.
COLIIIIN!! GET OUT OF BED! If you don't get dressed now I'm taking you to school in your pajamas.
You wouldn't!
Oh yes I w
ould.
OK, everyone, we have 15 minutes to get out the door. Are your lunches packed?
ARF!
*sleepy grumble*
Boys, did you brush your teeth?
Ryan: ARF! That means yes!
Colin: (stony silence)
Both your toothbrushes are dry... go brush!!!
Ryan: ARF! I'm done!
Colin: still hasn't moved
Colin, are your teeth brushed?
*stony silence continues while he stares sullenly at the wall*
Colin! Are your teeth brushed?
FINE! (Colin stomps away)
Ryan, are you ready for school? Did you eat breakfast?
ARF!
Sorry, Snowball, did you eat breakfast?
ARF! Yes, I had oatmeal with blueberries.
*checks bowl... it is nearly full of oatmeal with blueberries, clearly very little was eaten*
Ryan, you have to eat.
I did.
No, the food. You have to eat the food.
I did. I'm done.
One bite of oatmeal isn't enough food.
Oh, look, did you see the calendar? This Friday is Grandpa Big Man's birthday.
Ryan! Breakfast!
Ryan takes one nibble of oatmeal.
Daddy, did you know... (insert random kid thought)?
Ryan, PLEASE EAT!
*Colin reappears*
Colin, did you brush your teeth?
Yes.
OK, eat breakfast. Colin, did you hear me? Eat something?
(Colin by this time has such low blood sugar he can't function.) I set a bowl of yogurt in front of him.
Colin pushes yogurt away.
Colin, please eat.
*stoic silence continues*
Colin, just one bite. Please just put one bite of yogurt in your mouth. I promise you, your brain is
mad but your stomach needs food.
Colin finally, begrudgingly takes one bite, then devours the entire bowl.
Hari (from upstairs)... Colin, what toothpaste did you use?
I didn't see any.
So how did you brush your teeth?
I didn't use toothpaste.
*there's a brief pause, where Hari is clearly counting to 10*
Colin, get back upstairs and brush your teeth. With toothpaste.
It is now 8:42. The school doors open at 8:40 and classes start at 9AM.
C'mon boys! Out the door. Take your chewies and gummies (aka chewable vitamins). Let's go! You're going to be tardy!
*kids move at the pace of a tired sloth in a tar pit*
BOYS, WE NEED TO LEAVE. You're making ME late!
They finally pile out the door. Colin wanders into the front yard and picks up a piece of snow. No sense of urgency whatsoever. I see Hari lecturing him about getting in the car.
Ryan strolls back up the front wall... he forgot his backpack.
I grab backpack to hand it to him and check inside... his lunchbox isn't packed, he just threw a sandwich and an orange in his backpack. I frantically grab a milk and a snack and jam everything in his lunchbox, put the lunchbox back in the backpack and send him out the door.
I can't wait to wake up tomorrow morning and start it all over again.
(PLEASE! Someone... skip to the last reel of the film. GET US OUT OF HERE!!!!)
There's a Bill Murray movie called Groundhog Day. In this hysterical movie he plays a man who relives the same day. Over and over and over and over. Until he finally gets it right.
And as much as Hari claims to hate that movie, I'm realizing that we are living it.
Pretty much every morning goes something like this:
Hari: Good morning, Ryan.
Colin, wake up. Wake up! WAKE UP!
Colin, would you get out of bed. For the love of God, GET UP!
Ryan, please get off the floor.
*ARF! ARF! I'm Snowball. I'm a 4 year old Husky. I'm a boy dog, and I was lost when I was a puppy and now you adopted me. AROOOOOOO!!!!!!
OK, you're not Ryan, you're Snowball. Good boy Snowball! Can you do the trick where you get dressed like a boy? Good dog!
Colin, let go of the pillow. You have to get up.
COLIN GET UP!!!!
Colin: ALL RIGHT - why are you being such a crab?!?
Ryan, please brush your teeth.
ARF!
Sorry, Snowball, can you brush your doggy teeth? Good boy!
*Internal dialogue... hmm... where's Colin*
COLIN - why are you back in bed? GET UP!!!!!
Ryan, please go eat breakfast. Sorry, Snowball, can you go eat breakfast?
OK! (Ryan, crawls off, not in the direction of the kitchen.)
COLIN! GET OUT OF BED!
Ryan? Ryan??? Where are you????? (DANG IT) Snowball, where are you?
ARF!
Are you eating breakfast?
ARF! No, I'm (pick any activity utterly unrelated to getting ready for school).
Please, buddy, eat breakfast.
COLIIIIN!! GET OUT OF BED! If you don't get dressed now I'm taking you to school in your pajamas.
You wouldn't!
Oh yes I w
ould.
OK, everyone, we have 15 minutes to get out the door. Are your lunches packed?
ARF!
*sleepy grumble*
Boys, did you brush your teeth?
Ryan: ARF! That means yes!
Colin: (stony silence)
Both your toothbrushes are dry... go brush!!!
Ryan: ARF! I'm done!
Colin: still hasn't moved
Colin, are your teeth brushed?
*stony silence continues while he stares sullenly at the wall*
Colin! Are your teeth brushed?
FINE! (Colin stomps away)
Ryan, are you ready for school? Did you eat breakfast?
ARF!
Sorry, Snowball, did you eat breakfast?
ARF! Yes, I had oatmeal with blueberries.
*checks bowl... it is nearly full of oatmeal with blueberries, clearly very little was eaten*
Ryan, you have to eat.
I did.
No, the food. You have to eat the food.
I did. I'm done.
One bite of oatmeal isn't enough food.
Oh, look, did you see the calendar? This Friday is Grandpa Big Man's birthday.
Ryan! Breakfast!
Ryan takes one nibble of oatmeal.
Daddy, did you know... (insert random kid thought)?
Ryan, PLEASE EAT!
*Colin reappears*
Colin, did you brush your teeth?
Yes.
OK, eat breakfast. Colin, did you hear me? Eat something?
(Colin by this time has such low blood sugar he can't function.) I set a bowl of yogurt in front of him.
Colin pushes yogurt away.
Colin, please eat.
*stoic silence continues*
Colin, just one bite. Please just put one bite of yogurt in your mouth. I promise you, your brain is
mad but your stomach needs food.
Colin finally, begrudgingly takes one bite, then devours the entire bowl.
Hari (from upstairs)... Colin, what toothpaste did you use?
I didn't see any.
So how did you brush your teeth?
I didn't use toothpaste.
*there's a brief pause, where Hari is clearly counting to 10*
Colin, get back upstairs and brush your teeth. With toothpaste.
It is now 8:42. The school doors open at 8:40 and classes start at 9AM.
C'mon boys! Out the door. Take your chewies and gummies (aka chewable vitamins). Let's go! You're going to be tardy!
*kids move at the pace of a tired sloth in a tar pit*
BOYS, WE NEED TO LEAVE. You're making ME late!
They finally pile out the door. Colin wanders into the front yard and picks up a piece of snow. No sense of urgency whatsoever. I see Hari lecturing him about getting in the car.
Ryan strolls back up the front wall... he forgot his backpack.
I grab backpack to hand it to him and check inside... his lunchbox isn't packed, he just threw a sandwich and an orange in his backpack. I frantically grab a milk and a snack and jam everything in his lunchbox, put the lunchbox back in the backpack and send him out the door.
I can't wait to wake up tomorrow morning and start it all over again.
(PLEASE! Someone... skip to the last reel of the film. GET US OUT OF HERE!!!!)
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