If you Give A Mom A Grocery List
The COVID version of "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie"
If you give a mom a grocery list
and there's a pandemic going on...
First, she'll try (for days) to order online for delivery
But there won't be any open delivery times.
So she'll try other stores, and those won't work either.
Then she'll try curbside pickup, but that isn't open either.
So she'll give up after three days of no milk and no fresh produce
and announce she's going to the store.
She'll pack a mask, and gloves, and hand sanitizer and Clorox wipes.
And she'll say goodby to the family.
The boys might ask her not to go
Or tell her to come home safe.
She'll get in the car, and realize that she hasn't been behind the wheel of a car in nearly 2 weeks
And it will feel really odd, but totally normal too.
She'll get to the store, and put on her protective gear.
Mask on. Gloves on. Credit card in pocket (purse hidden).
Only the car key in one pocket, the rest separated and left behind.
Baggie of Clorox wipes in the other pocket.
She'll see a line of people in front of the store.
All standing respectfully 6 feet apart.
She'll notice how the line snakes all the way around the front of the store,
around the corner and nearly to the back.
She'll see people without carts, or with tiny carts... and will notice one full-size cart off to the side.
She'll put grab the cart and then get into line.
She'll grab a wipe and disinfect the cart.
As she gets closer to the door she'll notice the police, monitoring the line.
The store manager letting people in one at a time.
And eventually, she'll get in the store.
She'll be pleasantly surprised to see that there's plenty of produce,
and won't be surprised at all by the signs limiting how much of any given item you can buy.
Two months ago this would have been unheard of.
Now it is the norm.
She'll buy a 12-pound bag of pasta noodles because that's below the limit (2).
She'll be unreasonably excited about finding a bag of frozen sausage.
She will fill the cart with produce and meat and fresh dairy and frozen foods.
And be grateful that she has a credit card to pay the ENORMOUS bill.
She will roll back to the car, with a cart that is overloaded.
She'll have to carry three bags because they wouldn't fit in the cart.
A case of seltzer will fall off the bottom of the cart.
One can will explode, a few others will get caught under the wheels,
and the box will be destroyed.
When she reaches the car she will use one of the Clorox wipes on her phone,
her keys, and her credit cards. And the car handles, just to be safe.
And the steering wheel.
She will load everything up and head home.
The family will unload the car and begin unpacking.
Every box, can, and bag will be wiped down and disinfected.
(and in the middle of it the deaf, ancient dog will be un-attended and unleashed,
and will wander from the back of the house to the front yard)
All the fresh fruit will be washed.
The front hall rug will be thown in the laundry.
The mom will shower. Then bleach the shower in case she left germs.
Then she'll go to mop the floor.
But first, she'll have to vacuum (AGAIN).
The son who helped with groceries will be in the shower.
The one who didn't will complain BITTERLY about sitting outside
in the sun with the dog.
The mom will Lysol mop everything.
Then Clorox the countertops, and the doorknobs, and the door handles,
and the cabinet handles, and pretty much anything else she can see.
Then the dad and the other son will shower.
And then everyone will be EXHAUSTED.
But there will be fresh food in the house so everyone is grateful
and no one complains.
=====
In retrospect, I can't believe I thought grocery shopping before was a pain.
If you give a mom a grocery list
and there's a pandemic going on...
First, she'll try (for days) to order online for delivery
But there won't be any open delivery times.
So she'll try other stores, and those won't work either.
Then she'll try curbside pickup, but that isn't open either.
So she'll give up after three days of no milk and no fresh produce
and announce she's going to the store.
She'll pack a mask, and gloves, and hand sanitizer and Clorox wipes.
And she'll say goodby to the family.
The boys might ask her not to go
Or tell her to come home safe.
She'll get in the car, and realize that she hasn't been behind the wheel of a car in nearly 2 weeks
And it will feel really odd, but totally normal too.
She'll get to the store, and put on her protective gear.
Mask on. Gloves on. Credit card in pocket (purse hidden).
Only the car key in one pocket, the rest separated and left behind.
Baggie of Clorox wipes in the other pocket.
She'll see a line of people in front of the store.
All standing respectfully 6 feet apart.
She'll notice how the line snakes all the way around the front of the store,
around the corner and nearly to the back.
She'll see people without carts, or with tiny carts... and will notice one full-size cart off to the side.
She'll put grab the cart and then get into line.
She'll grab a wipe and disinfect the cart.
As she gets closer to the door she'll notice the police, monitoring the line.
The store manager letting people in one at a time.
And eventually, she'll get in the store.
She'll be pleasantly surprised to see that there's plenty of produce,
and won't be surprised at all by the signs limiting how much of any given item you can buy.
Two months ago this would have been unheard of.
Now it is the norm.
She'll buy a 12-pound bag of pasta noodles because that's below the limit (2).
She'll be unreasonably excited about finding a bag of frozen sausage.
She will fill the cart with produce and meat and fresh dairy and frozen foods.
And be grateful that she has a credit card to pay the ENORMOUS bill.
She will roll back to the car, with a cart that is overloaded.
She'll have to carry three bags because they wouldn't fit in the cart.
A case of seltzer will fall off the bottom of the cart.
One can will explode, a few others will get caught under the wheels,
and the box will be destroyed.
When she reaches the car she will use one of the Clorox wipes on her phone,
her keys, and her credit cards. And the car handles, just to be safe.
And the steering wheel.
She will load everything up and head home.
The family will unload the car and begin unpacking.
Every box, can, and bag will be wiped down and disinfected.
(and in the middle of it the deaf, ancient dog will be un-attended and unleashed,
and will wander from the back of the house to the front yard)
All the fresh fruit will be washed.
The front hall rug will be thown in the laundry.
The mom will shower. Then bleach the shower in case she left germs.
Then she'll go to mop the floor.
But first, she'll have to vacuum (AGAIN).
The son who helped with groceries will be in the shower.
The one who didn't will complain BITTERLY about sitting outside
in the sun with the dog.
The mom will Lysol mop everything.
Then Clorox the countertops, and the doorknobs, and the door handles,
and the cabinet handles, and pretty much anything else she can see.
Then the dad and the other son will shower.
And then everyone will be EXHAUSTED.
But there will be fresh food in the house so everyone is grateful
and no one complains.
=====
In retrospect, I can't believe I thought grocery shopping before was a pain.
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