The Battle of Nutrition
I'd call it a battle of attrition, but Hari really got it perfect when he said that with Colin we're fighting a battle of nutrition. My baby who loved breakfast food (eggs, sausage, toast, fruit), and ate anything I gave him (beef stew, pureed broccoli/cauliflower, sweet potatoes, carrots) has become an incredibly picky toddler. If he was in control he'd eat nothing but pizza, goldfish crackers, chicken nuggets, sugared cereal and cookies for the rest of his life... all washed down with an ocean of juice. But I'm not that mom, and can't give in to that insanity. The foods Colin eats now are setting the tone and habits that he'll carry with him for the rest of his life, and it is my job to make sure that he understands (and hopefully enjoys!) eating healthy foods.
Yes, I know that food with kids can be the only "control" they feel they have in life. That a little "junk" now and then won't kill him. That this is a battle they pick because you ultimately cannot force them to eat, so they can refuse and make you as crazy as they want and there's really not much you can do. I also realize that I have to be the one to make the hard decisions. And if I hold strong he's eventually going to get hungry and eat what I give him. That isn't an easy position to hold, but I know long-term it is the right strategy for both me and him.
But oh... this kid... he has some fight in him!
Hari is stubborn. Painfully so. TRUST ME ON THIS! And he is a master negotiator. I swear I think he could talk a one-armed man into handing over his remaining hand (and the poor sap would be happy doing it!). But Colin has his number.
About a week ago at dinner Colin had some fish on his plate, along with a little mac-n-cheese and very modest serving of mixed vegetables. I literally gave him two tablespoons of corn, carrots and green beans. Hari arrived home for dinner shortly after we sat down (perfect timing!) and took over monitoring Colin as I helped Ryan with his meal. Hari started by talking to Colin about finishing his dinner. He likes to focus on protein, and Colin happily devoured the fish (doing an admirable imitation of a spinosaurus). Then came the dreaded veggies.
First, Hari dismissed Ryan and I from the table, asking us to leave because we were a distraction. OK - fine! Then he started negotiating. It went something like this:
H: Colin, you have to eat your vegetables. There's just a tiny bit there. Finish them and we can go watch TV.
C: (stoic silence)
H: Colin, c'mon. Just finish your vegetables. Just a few bites and you'll be done.
C: (continued stoic silence)
- this continued for about 5-10 minutes in the same vein
H: OK, Colin, just three bites of vegetables and you can be done. Then we can watch Super Hero Squad. Just three bites! (That is Colin's favorite show - a kid-version of the Avengers, with Hulk, Iron Man, Wolverine, Captain America, and all the rest of the Marvel gang.)
C: (nothing)
H: Colin, just three tiny bites. C'mon.
- another 5 minutes of this
H: OK (stabbing a few vegetables on the fork). Just one bite. Eat this one bite and you're done.
C: (silence)
H: Colin, do you hear me? One bite and you're done. DONE!!!
C: (more silence)
Eventually Colin just got up and walked away, still ignoring all of Hari's efforts to negotiate. At which point Mean Mom took over and he was ushered straight upstairs for a bath and bedtime. Dinner was a complete and utter veggie-failure. Negotiation with Colin clearly does not work.
When Hari isn't around to negotiate I have been taking a different tack.
Back when we were at the old school there was a moment I will never forget. I was in the infant room, packing up Ryan's things, when I overheard a mom talking to her older son. The boy must have been about 4, and when asked what he wanted for dinner he said he wanted some entree (which I don't recall) and... brussel sprouts. I am not kidding. The child requested brussel sprouts. I nearly fell over, but managed to just keep my head down and was quietly amazed.
HOW DID SHE DO THAT?!?!?!
Fortunately for me, that family also migrated to the new school with us, and I finally got up the nerve to ask her how she did it. I was ashamed to have to admit that the only vegetable that Colin will eat is carrots, and that's at best a 50/50 proposition. And this incredible woman, this genius of childhood nutrition... she shared her secret with me.
She said it was simple. She would put a plate containing only vegetables in front of her son. When they were gone, she gave him the rest of his dinner (protein, carbs, etc.). That's it. When you finish your vegetables you can eat everything else. She admitted that he fought it at first, but eventually realized that if he wanted the rest of his dinner he had to take care of the veggies first. And now he doesn't question it any longer - he gets one plate with everything on it, and he eats his veggies along with everything else. She also (angel of mercy!) said she'd have her older son talk to Colin at school, and give him some veggie propaganda from a peer. I doubt Colin will take the propaganda, but I need all the help I can get, so I gratefully accepted her offer!
I didn't know if it would work at all, but figured I had nothing to lose so I tried it. I went home, and put a plate in front of Colin with spinach, carrots, and one narrow slice of yellow pepper, along with a little dip. And then I set out a second plate with chicken, cheese, and croutons. (All Colin's favorites.) Colin cried. He whined. He reached longingly for the plate of "yummy" foods. He cried and whined some more. A lot more. But I held out. I ignored all the drama and ate my salad. No negotiating, no talking about it. No request that he have any specific number of bites. No offer of a special movie or TV show. I just kept quiet (aside from some minor admonishments about not crying which Colin ignored) and ate my dinner. OK - that wasn't really the whole picture. I also had a hearty glass of wine which I sipped during the meal to keep my head from exploding. So I ate my salad, sipped my wine, kept my head down, and eventually... Colin gave in.
First he ate his carrots. Then he went for the spinach. Then came the yellow pepper, one teeny, tiny, slender slice of horror for poor Colin. Honestly I think he would rather have eaten a worm, and he'd done well so far. So I gave him a small break. I offered that he could have a little piece of cheese to eat along with the yellow pepper. He accepted and tried to eat just the cheese. Oh no, boyo! Not a chance! I snatched the cheese from him, combined it with the pepper and he had to eat it directly from my hand. And (surprise!) he realized that it wasn't awful. He wasn't entirely happy about it, but he finished it and then plowed through the rest of his dinner.
I've done this a few times now (regrettably not every night) and it works every time! Last night Colin had a multi-course dinner. The first course (see photo!) was spinach leaves, baby carrots, and .... the dreaded tomato. Don't ask me why, but Colin hates them. He hate-hate-hates tomatoes. So I knew this wasn't going to be an easy night, but I was determined.
He devoured all the spinach and carrots without a complaint, but then came the two, forlorn tomato wedges. He cried and whined and complained and then he cried some more. "I don't liiiiike tomatoes, Mommy. I don't like them. They're disGUSting."
I showed him the rest of his dinner... taunting him with chicken breast, cheddar cheese, and croutons. I also knew he was hungry because he refused most of his lunch at school, and intended to use that to my advantage. (I told you I was Mean Mom!) I reiterated my position... you can have the rest of your dinner only when you've eaten ALL your vegetables, including the tomatoes. Or you can go to bed. I then offered him my one concession: he could have a tiny piece of cheese with each tomato. He refused - NO, Mommy, tomatoes are disGUSting. I don't like them.
Colin sobbed. Clearly I was being unreasonably cruel. Oh yeah? You think that's bad?
As Colin's mouth was wide open, mid-sob, I popped the tomato and cheese in. The look of absolute horror on his face was priceless. I nearly started laughing. I think he considered gagging, then he went to try and spit it out and I told him not to, that he had to chew and swallow. More tears, more horror, more drama, but... he chewed, and swallowed it down. And ate the second tomato wedge (with cheese) as well. WIN!
That was the point when I shared one of life's great secrets with Colin: everything tastes better with cheese. Everything!
Colin looked at me, clearly considering my words of wisdom as he devoured every scrap of the chicken, cheese and croutons that finally I gave him, proclaiming proudly at the end, "Look, Mommy! I'm done - I finished everything!"
And while dinner took about an hour for us to finish, I'm proud to say my son had a nutritious meal with plenty of healthy, fresh vegetables. Someday I hope that the war is over. That I can be confident I've won, and have raised a son who will eat the rainbow at every meal. (Not Skittles) That I can put out a plate with everything together and know that Colin will eat his vegetables as well as everything else. But until that day, my deepest thanks go to Super-Mom Leslie C. who gave me the edge I needed to win the day-to-day battle of nutrition.
Yes, I know that food with kids can be the only "control" they feel they have in life. That a little "junk" now and then won't kill him. That this is a battle they pick because you ultimately cannot force them to eat, so they can refuse and make you as crazy as they want and there's really not much you can do. I also realize
But oh... this kid... he has some fight in him!
Hari is stubborn. Painfully so. TRUST ME ON THIS! And he is a master negotiator. I swear I think he could talk a one-armed man into handing over his remaining hand (and the poor sap would be happy doing it!). But Colin has his number.
About a week ago at dinner Colin had some fish on his plate, along with a little mac-n-cheese and very modest serving of mixed vegetables. I literally gave him two tablespoons of corn, carrots and green beans. Hari arrived home for dinner shortly after we sat down (perfect timing!) and took over monitoring Colin as I helped Ryan with his meal. Hari started by talking to Colin about finishing his dinner. He likes to focus on protein, and Colin happily devoured the fish (doing an admirable imitation of a spinosaurus). Then came the dreaded veggies.
First, Hari dismissed Ryan and I from the table, asking us to leave because we were a distraction. OK - fine! Then he started negotiating. It went something like this:
H: Colin, you have to eat your vegetables. There's just a tiny bit there. Finish them and we can go watch TV.
C: (stoic silence)
H: Colin, c'mon. Just finish your vegetables. Just a few bites and you'll be done.
C: (continued stoic silence)
- this continued for about 5-10 minutes in the same vein
H: OK, Colin, just three bites of vegetables and you can be done. Then we can watch Super Hero Squad. Just three bites! (That is Colin's favorite show - a kid-version of the Avengers, with Hulk, Iron Man, Wolverine, Captain America, and all the rest of the Marvel gang.)
C: (nothing)
H: Colin, just three tiny bites. C'mon.
- another 5 minutes of this
H: OK (stabbing a few vegetables on the fork). Just one bite. Eat this one bite and you're done.
C: (silence)
H: Colin, do you hear me? One bite and you're done. DONE!!!
C: (more silence)
Eventually Colin just got up and walked away, still ignoring all of Hari's efforts to negotiate. At which point Mean Mom took over and he was ushered straight upstairs for a bath and bedtime. Dinner was a complete and utter veggie-failure. Negotiation with Colin clearly does not work.
When Hari isn't around to negotiate I have been taking a different tack.
Back when we were at the old school there was a moment I will never forget. I was in the infant room, packing up Ryan's things, when I overheard a mom talking to her older son. The boy must have been about 4, and when asked what he wanted for dinner he said he wanted some entree (which I don't recall) and... brussel sprouts. I am not kidding. The child requested brussel sprouts. I nearly fell over, but managed to just keep my head down and was quietly amazed.
HOW DID SHE DO THAT?!?!?!
Fortunately for me, that family also migrated to the new school with us, and I finally got up the nerve to ask her how she did it. I was ashamed to have to admit that the only vegetable that Colin will eat is carrots, and that's at best a 50/50 proposition. And this incredible woman, this genius of childhood nutrition... she shared her secret with me.
She said it was simple. She would put a plate containing only vegetables in front of her son. When they were gone, she gave him the rest of his dinner (protein, carbs, etc.). That's it. When you finish your vegetables you can eat everything else. She admitted that he fought it at first, but eventually realized that if he wanted the rest of his dinner he had to take care of the veggies first. And now he doesn't question it any longer - he gets one plate with everything on it, and he eats his veggies along with everything else. She also (angel of mercy!) said she'd have her older son talk to Colin at school, and give him some veggie propaganda from a peer. I doubt Colin will take the propaganda, but I need all the help I can get, so I gratefully accepted her offer!
I didn't know if it would work at all, but figured I had nothing to lose so I tried it. I went home, and put a plate in front of Colin with spinach, carrots, and one narrow slice of yellow pepper, along with a little dip. And then I set out a second plate with chicken, cheese, and croutons. (All Colin's favorites.) Colin cried. He whined. He reached longingly for the plate of "yummy" foods. He cried and whined some more. A lot more. But I held out. I ignored all the drama and ate my salad. No negotiating, no talking about it. No request that he have any specific number of bites. No offer of a special movie or TV show. I just kept quiet (aside from some minor admonishments about not crying which Colin ignored) and ate my dinner. OK - that wasn't really the whole picture. I also had a hearty glass of wine which I sipped during the meal to keep my head from exploding. So I ate my salad, sipped my wine, kept my head down, and eventually... Colin gave in.
 |
| First Course: Veggies and Dip |
I've done this a few times now (regrettably not every night) and it works every time! Last night Colin had a multi-course dinner. The first course (see photo!) was spinach leaves, baby carrots, and
He devoured all the spinach and carrots without a complaint, but then came the two, forlorn tomato wedges. He cried and whined and complained and then he cried some more. "I don't liiiiike tomatoes, Mommy. I don't like them. They're disGUSting."
I showed him the rest of his dinner... taunting him with chicken breast, cheddar cheese, and croutons. I also knew he was hungry because he refused most of his lunch at school, and intended to use that to my advantage. (I told you I was Mean Mom!) I reiterated my position... you can have the rest of your dinner only when you've eaten ALL your vegetables, including the tomatoes. Or you can go to bed. I then offered him my one concession: he could have a tiny piece of cheese with each tomato. He refused - NO, Mommy, tomatoes are disGUSting. I don't like them.
Colin sobbed. Clearly I was being unreasonably cruel. Oh yeah? You think that's bad?
As Colin's mouth was wide open, mid-sob, I popped the tomato and cheese in. The look of absolute horror on his face was priceless. I nearly started laughing. I think he considered gagging, then he went to try and spit it out and I told him not to, that he had to chew and swallow. More tears, more horror, more drama, but... he chewed, and swallowed it down. And ate the second tomato wedge (with cheese) as well. WIN!
That was the point when I shared one of life's great secrets with Colin: everything tastes better with cheese. Everything!
Colin looked at me, clearly considering my words of wisdom as he devoured every scrap of the chicken, cheese and croutons that finally I gave him, proclaiming proudly at the end, "Look, Mommy! I'm done - I finished everything!"
And while dinner took about an hour for us to finish, I'm proud to say my son had a nutritious meal with plenty of healthy, fresh vegetables. Someday I hope that the war is over. That I can be confident I've won, and have raised a son who will eat the rainbow at every meal. (Not Skittles) That I can put out a plate with everything together and know that Colin will eat his vegetables as well as everything else. But until that day, my deepest thanks go to Super-Mom Leslie C. who gave me the edge I needed to win the day-to-day battle of nutrition.
Comments